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The least anticipated movies of 2015

“These are the movies that almost nobody is excited about, and that almost nobody is looking forward to seeing (though, if history is any guide, people will still turn out in droves to pay to see them...

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Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 1 of 12)

“While it may not be based on an existing property, there’s nothing the slightest bit ‘original’ about this movie’s plot.”

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Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 2 of 12)

“Was this dialogue written by humans?”

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Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 3 of 12)

“Caine’s just surfing the deferential equation slopes, broham!”

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Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 4 of 12)

“Are there people who were convinced up until this moment that bees are questioning, doubtful liars?”

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Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 5 of 12): Caine is the perfect...

In which we learn the true origins of the human race, as well as Caine Wise’s tragic backstory, which is uncannily similar to a certain legendary bouncer.

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Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 7 of 12): Must love dogs

In which we meet a half-man/half-elephant, and Jupiter confesses her feelings for Caine in the most embarrassingly stupid way possible.

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Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 8 of 12): Aquarela do Bureaucracy

Two writer-directors entrusted with a $175 million budget decide to bring their sci-fi/action film to a dead stop for no good reason. But hey, they got Terry Gilliam to do a cameo!

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V for Vendetta (2005)

“It dangles the possibility of an extreme group taking over and placing anyone of certain ethnicities, religions, sexual orientation, and immigrant status into concentration camps which, thanks to the...

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The Matrix, Revisited: 50% of a great trilogy

“...By which I mean the greatness rests in the first one and half of Reloaded. Matrix: Revolutions contains 0% greatness, 40% stupidity, and 60% boredom.”

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